Tips for keeping kids calm during a family move

09 August 2024

Moving homes is an inherently stressful experience for any family, but for families experiencing homelessness, the prospect of relocation is often compounded by uncertainty, fear of the unknown, and a profound sense of loss. When a family must leave their current situation, whether due to unsafe conditions or immediate crisis intervention, the emotional toll on children can be devastating. They may feel abandoned, betrayed by the adults in their life, or terrified that they will be separated from their new environment or even from their parents. The goal of this guide is not to eliminate the stress of a move, which is an inevitable part of the journey to stability, but to provide practical, actionable strategies for caregivers to help their children maintain a sense of security and calm throughout the chaotic process. By prioritizing emotional safety alongside physical logistics, families can navigate this difficult transition with more resilience and hope.

Understanding the Unique Emotional Landscape

For families living in crisis, the traditional advice to "stay positive" can feel dismissive or even harmful when the reality is that the current home is no longer safe. Children in these situations often possess a heightened awareness of danger and a deep need for predictability. When a move is announced, it can trigger a primal fear response, leading to anxiety, regression in behavior, or outright resistance. The child may be afraid of the unknown, wondering if the new place will be cold, unsafe, or far away from friends and familiar routines. It is crucial for caregivers to validate these feelings without trying to immediately "fix" them. Acknowledging that the move is scary, unfair, or confusing helps children feel understood rather than told to be brave. This emotional validation is the first step in building trust and creating a safe container for their grief and fear.

Establishing Rituals and Routine in Chaos

Despite the disruption caused by a move, maintaining a semblance of routine can be a powerful anchor for children. Homes are filled with familiar smells, textures, and predictable schedules that provide a sense of control. During a move, it is possible to recreate these elements in small, manageable ways. You might establish a "quiet corner" in the new space where children can go to decompress, or you can set a consistent bedtime story routine in the temporary housing. Rituals act as psychological safety nets, signaling to the child that some parts of their life remain constant and safe. Even if the physical location changes, the emotional rhythm of the day can remain similar, providing a comfort zone amidst the upheaval.

Preparing the Child for the Journey

Preparation is key to reducing anxiety, but it must be tailored to the child's age and understanding. For younger children, use simple, honest language; for older children, engage them in planning to give them a sense of agency. One effective method is to use age-appropriate drawing or storytelling to visualize the move. This allows children to process abstract concepts like "moving" in a concrete way.

Here are several concrete steps you can take to prepare your child:

Create a simple map or drawing of the new location, labeling familiar landmarks or safe spots.
Role-play the moving process with stuffed animals or dolls to simulate packing and traveling.
Write down three things they like about their current home to acknowledge their feelings of loss before it happens.
Establish a "safe word" or signal that means they can come to you immediately if they feel overwhelmed during the move.
Ensure they know exactly where the car is and how they can get home, providing clear logistical reassurance.

By engaging in these preparatory activities, you transform the move from a terrifying unknown into a manageable event. This proactive approach reduces the power of fear and empowers the child to feel somewhat in control of their own narrative.

Managing the Packing and Departure Process

The physical act of packing can be incredibly traumatic for children, especially those who have limited mobility or resources. The fear of losing a favorite toy or being unable to reach a specific item can induce panic. To mitigate this, consider allowing children to pack a small "go-bag" or "comfort kit" containing items that bring them comfort, such as a special stuffed animal, a favorite book, or a drawing of their family. This gives them a tangible piece of their old life to carry with them. During the departure, keep movements slow and deliberate. Rushing to load the car can increase the child's sense of helplessness. Take time to say goodbye to the neighborhood, the dog, or the friends you are leaving behind, reinforcing that these connections are not being severed forever.

Fostering Open Communication After Arrival

Once the family has settled into the new home, the emotional work continues. Children may struggle to articulate their confusion or sadness in the new environment. Encourage open, non-judgmental communication by creating a safe space for them to share their thoughts. Ask open-ended questions like, "What was the hardest part about the move for you?" or "Is there anything about the new place that feels strange or scary?" Listen without rushing to offer solutions or correct their emotions. Validate their feelings of loss and celebrate the small victories of the transition. Over time, as they learn that their feelings are heard and respected, their anxiety will gradually decrease, replaced by a growing sense of stability and trust in their caregivers.

Remember that healing from the trauma of homelessness and the stress of a move is a journey, not a destination. By providing consistent care, emotional validation, and practical support, families can help their children navigate this transition with dignity and hope.